I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
