I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
