I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
