i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
