Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015