whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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