Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
