I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
