why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.