Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
i just had sex bonerless
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.