Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
