The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
