I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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