You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
