Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
