I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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