I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
