I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
