According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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