Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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