I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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