haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
