did you get engaged???
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
