i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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