She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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