I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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