hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
