And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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