My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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