drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
