I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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