Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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