Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
