Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
