I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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