there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
