my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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