in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
