Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
