i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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