My balls are so social today.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
