Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
