Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
