She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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