JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
