Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This girl is more easily done than said...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
