I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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