Are we in a gay sports bar?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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