She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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