God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
