We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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