My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
