This girl is more easily done than said...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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