my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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