If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
