I just pynch a tree in the face
She said her name was "party"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
