Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
