There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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