Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
