I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
