as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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