We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
