After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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