made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
