I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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