textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
