Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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