remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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