I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
