i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
