; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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