i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
