he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
