He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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